It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
