Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
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Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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