You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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