Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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