You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
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I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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