I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
