Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
