I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
