kristin has been a bad kristin
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
