I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
