We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
