i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
