They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
