So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
