its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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