so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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