fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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