he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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