True but thats because hes a fetus.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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