Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
