I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
