meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
