Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
