I wish my penis had an off switch
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
