She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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