Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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