I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
