I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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