if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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