Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
