Dude my mom stole all your condoms
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize