Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
