Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
