He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
