I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
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