even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
