Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
