dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
