5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
