I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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