thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
