why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
