I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Randomize
