I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
