Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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