you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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