The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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