I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Randomize
