I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
