cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
