That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
