At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
