If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
