fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
