I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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