I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
