my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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