We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
