i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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