Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
