Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I will be naked everywhere
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
