He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
