I am spending my child support on dildos
people are starting to question the shark bite story
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
And then he peed in my hair
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