How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
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He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
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We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize