I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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