I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
it hurts more in the daytime
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
