420 ftw
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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