I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
