I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
