How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
