I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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