She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
