well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
