Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
