Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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