The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
