he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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