How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
