I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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