so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
