I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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