You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
